


Find You in This Life

by wholehearted



Series: It Sounds Like Fluff to Me [15]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angry Alex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Guitar, Hurt feelings, M/M, Music, Tears, Yelling, apology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 18:26:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19910212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholehearted/pseuds/wholehearted
Summary: He knows Alex is angry, but Michael takes a chance.





	Find You in This Life

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of Roswell New Mexico Week 2019. Fic Prompt: **When we were young**
> 
> I just want these two figure out life together. Is that too much to ask? What's that? It' might be? Bish! Fanfiction can fix it! So here's my attempt to get the ball rolling. 
> 
> Fic and title inspired by OAR's, [All Because of You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7hneSQmR3c).
> 
> Betaed by the awesome [erisgregory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/erisgregory/pseuds/erisgregor). Thank you for the feedback and squees! 😍
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. ❤️

Michael is sitting on the porch when Alex pulls up. He watches as Alex gets out of his humvee, slams the door and immediately starts in on him.

“What are you doing here, Guerin?”

Alex’s face looks irritated at best, but Michael hadn’t really expected anything less. 

“You haven’t returned any of my calls or texts over the last two months. What else was I supposed to do?”

“Take the hint.” Alex’s face is hard as granite.

“I guess I can’t.” Michael shrugs, going for a lighthearted tone, but Alex clearly isn’t having it.

“You’re trespassing. What do you want?”

“I want to explain myself, to—”

“Go talk to your _girlfriend_ about your feelings. I’m not interested.”

“She’s not my girlfriend, never was.” He rushes to explain. “It lasted less than two weeks and I was blind drunk most of the time.”

“I don’t care. Leave me alone.” Alex nearly spits the words at him.

“Alex, I’m—”

“Just stop, Guerin. This isn’t like **when we were young** , we’re not kids anymore. There’s too much shit in our pasts. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“No, we’re not kids, but you’re wrong. We _can_ deal with it, all of it, together.”

“ _Fuck,_ Guerin! Just go away. Leave me alone. Let me go.” The scowl on Alex’s face deepens.

“I can’t.” Silence.“You said you never look away.” 

Michael is taken aback as he watches Alex’s face flame red, the man’s body shaking and heaving when he hollers at him. 

“That's not fucking fair! You can’t throw those words at me! _You_ looked away! Y _ou_ made your choice! _You_ left me there without a word and made it clear how you feel! You can’t just go back and forth whenever you want! This isn’t a game to me, _Michael_!” 

Alex glares daggers at him, nearly flaying him, but Michael doesn’t back down.

“ _I know!_ I know! I fucked up in a big way. I’m sorry, _so_ sorry, and I’ll do whatever it takes to show you how much.” Michael starts strumming the guitar in his hands. He clears his throat, pinning Alex with his eyes. “But I’m playing for keeps.”

Not waiting for Alex’s response, Michael sings.

**_Take, take, take the little moment_ **

**_Don't, don't, don't forget to hold 'em_ **

**_Stay, stay, stay a little longer_ **

**_Can, can, can you hear the night talk?_ **

**_Two hearts beating on a sidewalk_ **

**_Put your head on my shoulder_ **

Michael keeps his gaze steady, focusing on Alex. His face is still pursed tight, and, other than anger, Michael can’t see anything else behind those eyes.

_It might be too late._

…

Alex’s heart has been thundering in his chest since the moment he realized just exactly who was sitting on his porch. 

This is the first time he’s been face-to-face with the man in months. 

Alex’s body is brimming with rage, nearly vibrating with the intensity of it. 

Michael has no right to be here, at his home, with that fucking guitar in his hands. 

Alex is seething, and seeing Michael sitting there, curls blowing in the desert wind, face open and sincere, only digs the knife in deeper. He wants to walk up and knock that guitar out of his hands, to scream at him, hit him, but he doesn’t trust himself to get any closer than he is now. 

Alex has a bone deep fear that the gravitational pull of Michael Guerin will suck him back in, and he’s absolutely positive he won’t survive it again.

**_I want to matter when we go outside, and_ **

**_Hold your hand when we say goodnight, and_ **

**_Tell you how I'm gonna to make our dreams come true_ **

_Goddamn him!_

Michael can’t just show up, say ‘sorry’, play a song, and make Alex forgive him. _This isn’t a simple fix!_ In fact, Alex is fairly sure this thing isn’t fixable at all. He has no illusions about the man in front of him. It seems they’re destined to fail and constantly hurt one another. 

The wounds they carry from their histories are deep and bloody. What chance is there to heal unless they stay far apart? 

**_All because of you_ **

**_I made a promise in the morning breezes_ **

**_You can have all the space you need, and_ **

**_You know me better than you'll ever need to prove_ **

**_All because of you_ **

To his horror, Alex feels tears burning behind his eyes. _Fuck!_ He tries to will them away, but there’s nothing he can do. He’s trapped. Trapped by his traitorous heart, by the man in front of him, by the situation, by this fucking song. 

Alex grits his teeth in a bid to hang onto his anger, to fortify himself against what he hears and how he feels.

…

_Shit. This was a bad idea._

Michael continues to play, determined to finish the song. The lyrics, the melody, sear him, drive him, give him hope when there’s no reason to have it. 

**_Wake, wake, wake up to you smiling_ **

**_Don't, don't, don't know where the time went_ **

**_Can we dance a little slower?_ **

**_I, I, I'll be here forever_ **

**_We're so good when we're together_ **

**_Let me hold you 'til we're older_ **

Alex isn’t moving, he’s stock still except for a slight tick in his jaw. Maybe a glint of wetness in his eyes? Michael isn’t sure he’s seeing things clearly. His own eyes are welling with tears, but he plays on, for Alex.

_Always for Alex._

…

_I hate him!_

The lyrics continue to hit Alex like a ton of bricks. He’s pissed at himself for not being stronger, not being able to stop his reactions, not walking away. Again. For good. 

Alex watches as Michael closes his eyes and sings the next verse, voice wavering, but still beautiful as ever. 

**_All because of you_ **

**_I made a promise in the morning breezes_ **

**_You can have all the space you need, and_ **

**_You know me better than you'll ever need to prove_ **

**_All because of you_ **

Alex can’t stem one hot tear from rolling down his cheek. He angrily wipes it away, his movements jerky and awkward. 

_I hate him!_ _I just want to leave._

…

Michael finishes the song and chances a look up. Heart hammering, lungs failing him, Michael is overwhelmed. 

Alex is still there. 

“I’m so fucking sorry.” Voice cracking, he tries again, “All I want is a chance to talk things through.” Alex shakes his head. “You’re my family. I can’t do this life without you.”

Alex’s face crumples, as he lets loose the most gut wrenching sob. His tears falling freely. 

Michael haphazardly discards the guitar, and is in Alex’s space within seconds. He bands his arms around Alex’s shoulders as his body sags. Alex’s fists clenching in Michael’s t-shirt as he heaves, gritting out, “I hate you,” over and over. 

All Michael can do is hold Alex tighter and let him say whatever he needs to say. Michael can withstand any of it, all of it, if Alex is in his arms. 

After awhile, Alex’s words become whispers, softly fading away completely. 

_Finally_ , Alex wraps his arms around Michael’s waist. 

Relief rushes over him. Michael closes his eyes, burying his face into the crook of the other man’s neck, as he begins to cry too.

…

Alex’s voice is raw and strained, his throat sore. He’s still hurt, upset, but he can’t deny what he feels, what he’s _always_ felt. He clings to Michael. 

He has no idea how they’re going to figure this out, or if it’s even possible, but he knows that not trying isn’t really an option. 

_Maybe…_

~~~

Michael’s arms hold Alex tight as they sway to the music. The words are as powerful now as they were then. This song still holds so much meaning for them, to them, so much emotion, even two years later. 

Their foreheads are pressed together, Alex whispering the lyrics of the bridge.

**_I know that I can be a better man, and_ **

**_Learn to run when it's hard to stand, and_ **

**_Find the songs in everything you do_ **

Their lips brushing together as they sing the words to one another.

**_It's all because of you_ **

**_I never thought I'd find you in this life_ **

**_Broken shadows disappear tonight_ **

**_You're the reason that all my dreams come true_ **

**_All because of you_ **

It’s their first dance as a married couple, and Alex is happier and more at peace than he ever thought he could be. 

The man in his arms is the most exceptional person he‘s ever known. He’s grateful for Michael’s persistence and for pushing them forward (even when things got really hard). The challenges they’ve overcome have been excruciating, but every moment well worth it. 

As he leans into his husband, Alex knows he’ll love and treasure Michael Guerin until the day he dies. Alex feels honored to walk through this life by his side. 

There’s nothing in this world he wouldn’t do for Michael. He’s proud to be Alex Guerin. To have a name that finally fits him, to be home, at last.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read. 😊
> 
> Find me on tumblr (same username or malex-allthehearteyes).


End file.
